I keep trying to type out a blog post and the first words are the lyrics to a song.
"How fickle my heart..." oh wait that's Mumford and sons.
"in the morning when I wake..." Oops that's a hymn.
"Everybody's changing and I still feel the same." ugh that's a Keane song. My entire life could be written out of song lyrics. What am I even doing with my life? What will I do after graduation? What does God want me to do? What do I want? Ugh! Why can't I figure this out? I'm so bad at making decisions. I just...I just need some coffee.
And the thought process continues.
I guess you could say I'm in a bit of a writing rut. It always happens after the holidays. I suppose it's more than simply a 'writing rut'. I've been absolutely terrified of what's going to happen in the future. It's so easy to get wrapped up in plans and 'what if's. It's so easy to become anxious over things that haven't even happened yet, and may never happen at all. It's so easy to assume that I'm the one in control, when in reality that is not the case.
Sometimes the whirlwind in my own head is overwhelming and I feel as though I might explode. But I have found such rest and peace in Jesus. Even though I don't know what's going to happen, when I begin to focus on him, the knots in my stomach seem to disappear and the feelings are replaced with a sense of peace.
"How fickle my heart..." oh wait that's Mumford and sons.
"in the morning when I wake..." Oops that's a hymn.
"Everybody's changing and I still feel the same." ugh that's a Keane song. My entire life could be written out of song lyrics. What am I even doing with my life? What will I do after graduation? What does God want me to do? What do I want? Ugh! Why can't I figure this out? I'm so bad at making decisions. I just...I just need some coffee.
And the thought process continues.
I guess you could say I'm in a bit of a writing rut. It always happens after the holidays. I suppose it's more than simply a 'writing rut'. I've been absolutely terrified of what's going to happen in the future. It's so easy to get wrapped up in plans and 'what if's. It's so easy to become anxious over things that haven't even happened yet, and may never happen at all. It's so easy to assume that I'm the one in control, when in reality that is not the case.
Sometimes the whirlwind in my own head is overwhelming and I feel as though I might explode. But I have found such rest and peace in Jesus. Even though I don't know what's going to happen, when I begin to focus on him, the knots in my stomach seem to disappear and the feelings are replaced with a sense of peace.
3 comments
Hello, Jana! I just found you since you followed me on tumblr, and I'm glad to stumble upon your lovely piece of the internet.
ReplyDeleteI saw one of your tumblr posts that mentioned the SAT, so I just wanted to wish you the best! I assume you're an upperclassman in high school, which is a crazy stressful and disorienting time. I promise it gets better!
Your photos are quite lovely and I resonate with what you said about writing--I struggle often to put text to a post. The last song lyric also reminds me of "Put Your Records On" by Corinne Bailey Rae--"The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same...the more things stay the same, the more they seem to change."
Also, glad to meet a fellow follower of Christ :)
Keep pushing through and doing your thing!
Oh, just read your bio--yay senior year! Also, just totally creeped on your youtube, and your voice is so stunning and ethereal.
Deleteso glad i clicked on your profile, and discovered that you moved! i've been wondering about you lately; i always love reading your blog posts. :)
ReplyDeleteand THIS. this is it, exactly. i have been in the same place; wondering, wishing, worrying... not sure how the past is connecting with the future, and when it does, i'm always wondering if i'll see it, and how i will get from point 1 to point 2. hah. :P but, praise the Lord, he is the one in control; He has a plan, and the only place we will find assurance, and peace and rest is in Him.
aaaaaand, a writing rut. :P i've been in a rut for about a year now, but i think i'm finally breaking out of it. trying to, at least. forcing myself to write, because i want to (need to), even though i don't feel the words brimming in my heart. (that is my favorite time to write.) but, alas, just another one of those things. winter tends to bring on the writers block. hopefully you'll be able to get out of it soon. ;)
xox
(also, that song is one of my favorites. so, so good.)