Dealing with Changes.
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There is no way to escape the changing of the seasons, the ache of the silence that comes with transformation. Sometimes it can even be a good change, but in the moment when the comfort of familiarity is out of reach, pain seems to be unavoidable.
The truth of the matter is, people change. Friends and family change. It can be beautiful, it can be wonderful and the best thing for everyone in the long run. But it can also be incredibly difficult. I’ve always wondered secretly if I was the person who became more invested in friendships or relationships. I don’t need a lot of friends, just a few very close friends. (Which are hard to come by!) That sounds selfish, it probably is. But it seems that so many good things are happening to them, and I feel a bit...um, left in the dust, if you will.
Suddenly the people whom I use to rely on just aren’t around. Realizing that someone else’s life goes on perfectly fine without me, certainly deflates my ego. And the devil always knows just what to say to make me feel as though it was something wrong with me, whispering lies to fuel my self pity. It’s always easier to blame someone or something. Some people blame God, some people blame other people, and some blame themselves. But honestly there is no one to blame. This is not even necessarily a ‘bad’ change in my life. It is just a change.
It’s as though I’ve closed my fingers so tightly over the only reality I assumed would bring me happiness is now being pried out of my fingers. The more time passes, the more I begin to see how happiness is based less on circumstances, but more on how you choose to see them and what you do with them. And Gods plans vs. Jana’s plans is not a smart idea. Even if I don’t know what God’s plan is exactly, simply being willing to accept what he gives me is a big deal. Keeping an open heart and focusing my eyes open him-the UNchanging God, who fills me with peace and joy.
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4 comments
so much truth in this post. i've felt left in the "dust" and thought i did something to cause it. but really. people just change. i changed. and no matter how hard you try to hold on to people and such, really, you end up hurting yourself, because you were meant to change. glad you stumbled upon my blog, so i could find yours. :)
ReplyDeletexoxo
Aw, thank you! And you are right-sometimes I forget that I'm changing too :)
DeleteI resonated with these thoughts so much. When I went home for Thanksgiving break last semester, I felt exactly the same way. It was the first time I had gone home in three months since beginning college, and so much had changed. I no longer felt like I belonged in my own hometown. I was deeply wounded that everything had gone on fine without me--was I really that replaceable? I ended up writing a post about it describing an old pair of sweatpants that I wore for 6 years and relating that to how I have trouble letting go of things, especially the past. Now, I feel much better about everything--I think it helps to remember that life goes on, and we should keep moving as well. I still stay in touch with my very close friends from home, and that's all I need. I've accepted that our lives are very different now, but we can still support each other.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, confidence in God's plan and striving to live his word is by far the most comforting thing yet.
Change is so hard. There has been so much change that has taken place in my life; my surroundings and myself. but this is all a part of His plan, so I guess I will have to see what is in store for me.
ReplyDeletexoxo Morning
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