jana diaries

"When nightmares come and keep you awake 

baby close your eyes, I'll take the weight. 

but I won't speak, I will refrain

and be the song, just be the song.

When inner scars show on your face

and darkness hides your sense of place

well i won't speak, I will refrain

and be the song, just be the song." - "Be the Song", Foy Vance

 Last week, my grandma went to go be with Jesus. She is finally 'home'. 

We had always seen each other on holidays and birthdays and the usual family gatherings. But it was three years ago that my grandmother left her home in West Virginia and moved to Texas to live with us,  that I felt I came to know her so much better.  I know that it wasn't easy for her to leave. Moving is hard enough as it is, but when you've lived in the same state for 77 years, you really are leaving everything behind. She knew that things were never going to be the same again, and I remember how she cried when she kissed her big orange cat "Garfield" goodbye. 

This picture was taken outside her home the day she left. It makes me want to cry, for I know that it broke her heart to leave West Virginia. 

From the day she moved in, life has been a roller coaster. She was a diabetic with many other health problems,  and she had recently started dialysis. She had only been here a month when she fell and broke her hip. It was quite the ordeal, and yet she pulled through. "Nanny's a fighter," my mom would say. We had many expected-unexpected visits to the hospital. 

Even though her little body was worn out and her home was miles and miles away, she never complained. She marched right into Texas and started living. She was absolutely one of a kind. 

While she was still living at our house, on sunday evenings I liked to go sit in her room and drink tea and we'd watch "the Mentalist" together. It was our favorite show. And she loved Christmas. We spent hours and hours carefully wrapping every last present, and she showed me how to fold the corners of the paper so they didn't crease.