The rain woke me up before my alarm this morning. There are some days where I wake up and a heaviness is in my chest; It’s been a hard week. Month. Year.
The sleep was still clinging to my eyes as I got out of bed. My family and I were going to a Christmas worship service on the other side of town to see one of our favorite singers, (Fernando Ortega) along with a choir.
Don’t get me wrong, I was excited to hear the music. But I certainly felt like I got up on the wrong side of bed this morning.
When we walked into the (very traditional) church, we were greeted by a friendly elderly old lady, that kindly informed me I couldn’t bring my coffee into the sanctuary. I forced a smile and nearly fell down the stairs on my way to the trash can, but somehow managed to save myself in some awkward flailing of my arms and legs…
it was not a good start to the morning.
When I went back in, I sat down in a pew next to my little brother. He’s ten. Ten year old boys can’t sit still. Nor do they know how to be quiet. “quit it,” I whispered through my teeth. He rolled his eyes and proceeded to pretend to play on his imaginary drum set.
“fantastic. I wonder how long this thing is gonna last.”
Finally, the lights were dimmed and everything was quiet. I could still hear the rain beating against the stain glass windows before the choir began to sing.
“joy to the world, the lord has come
let earth receive her king
let every heart prepare him room,
and heaven and nature sing
and heaven and nature sing…”
I felt my heart begin to soften, and as they sang, hot tears burned in my eyes.
I thought of my grandma and how much she loved Christmas. I thought of how the night before I had been crying quietly in my room, asking Jesus to comfort me. I thought of all the sorrow my Dad is carrying, and the dark circles under my mom’s eyes.
And then I felt a strange sense of peace, and even joy settling in my heart.
That’s some of the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard. Isn’t it crazy how music can be so powerful?
I know that Christmas, and really the holidays in general, can be a painful time for many people. But let me share something I heard in church a few sundays ago- the speaker was talking about the movie, “inside out”, and how it teaches us that sadness and joy often go together. How simple, but how true. Christmas doesn’t mean that we should try and ignore our problems and ‘be happy and merry’, or that we aren’t allowed to cry. I think Jesus sees our hurts and our scars, and he wants to walk through the darkness with us.
“Cast all your anxiety on him for he cares for you.”- 1 Peter 5:7
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your father. And even the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” -Matt 10: 29-31
“ Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! for he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.” - Psalm 107:4-7
Whatever burdens you are carrying today, lay them upon Jesus, because he cares for you.
3 comments
This is so beautiful (and little brothers sometimes... so true) Thank you so much for sharing. :) I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.
ReplyDeleteWow. Amen, amen, amen. Christ is the Author of Perfection, and of Joy. I get so wrapped up in being cold and sad and miserable in that, when He is calling me out of the darkness and into the light. Oh, Jesus! I pray that You hold me. I cannot stand on my own anymore.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much darling. <3
this is a beautiful post, Jana. i wish you a very merry christmas!!
ReplyDelete