Learning to let go// chronic illnesses
Sometimes I have to remind myself it's okay to rest. It's okay that I don't have a lot of energy. It's okay to say no.
December 2016 I got really sick with mono. And I never quite bounced back. Hunter and I were talking about how last August I literally climbed a mountain and was running miles and miles every week. I could work really hard at my job, write, create, and go out to the movies on a date night. Sure, I might be a little tired, but after a good night's rest I'd be fine.
So what happened? Where did all my energy go?
I have good days and bad days.
sometimes going to work for literally only an hour, or the grocery store, or heck, even get out of bed and making breakfast- is a struggle. And I know I've pushed myself way too hard this year. Planning a wedding might be stressful, and so is a hurricane. But after all this time I know I should be better than I am now. Mono is weird.
I'm not sure exactly what is wrong with me, but here's what I do know:
- Chronic illnesses are no joke and the spoon theory is real.
Just because someone doesn't look sick doesn't mean anything. Being sick has given me so much compassion and empathy for others who are struggling with any illness. I know many who are sick with things much, much worse than me and yet have so much joy.
- Not everyone is going to understand, and that's okay.
I care way, way too much about what people think. I worry that people think I'm being a baby. I worry if I'm honest about how I truly feel they'll say I'm faking it. But the truth is I have to make my health a priority. I can't control what others think but I can control how I react and my attitude.
- I often find my identity in what I do instead of Christ.
"I'm a singer songwriter! I'm a photographer! I'm a teacher! I'm a writer! I'm a runner!"
Those things are great. But they aren't what make me valuable. They are what I do, not who I am.
I remember someone telling this to me in Jr. high, and it's a lesson I keep having to learn over and over again.
I am continually reminded that there is joy in whatever struggle I am facing, and that I have so many wonderful and amazing friends and family who support me! I am so thankful for each of them, and especially for my sweet hubs for taking such good care of me.
Have you ever struggled with chronic illness before? What has helped you? Let me know in a comment below!
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4 comments
Reading this post - and the linked article about the spoon theory- almost brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for shining light on this - definitely helped me to understand more!
ReplyDeleteI know a girl who suffers from chronic fatigue. She's a photographer did a beautiful photo series on what it's like to live with a chronic illness! This post reminded me of that.
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So sorry for how you're feeling! Your story reminded me a little of Amy Carmichael when she fell and hurt her leg. It might be an encouraging read for you, if you wanted to grab her biography and a cup of coffee some evening. ❤️
ReplyDeleteLuv and Prayers
Jana I am so sorry to hear about your struggle. There is much out there regarding help for Lymes but traditional medicine does know about it or want to. I'll look through my files and send it along. Praying that the promise of the Lord, "By His stripes you are healed and made whole" will settle in your heart, in your spirit and in your soul.
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