Answers.
I wanted to share some life updates with you. For the record, I am writing this not because I want attention or pity. I'm writing because it is really cathartic for me and helps me process things. Reading other people's stories is often encouraging to me, so I thought I'd share mine too.
As I shared last week, I've been having some health issues this year. Things like unexplained fevers, joint and muscle pain, migraines, short term memory problems and brain fog, extreme fatigue, etc. I could go on. Really random symptoms that can come and go. I definitely started getting worse after Hurricane Harvey. I think when there's something really wrong with you, deep down you just know. That is what has led me to keep searching for an answer.
It hurts to be told your pain isn't real. Especially by the people who are supposed to help you. I went to several doctors but none of them could give me an answer. They always made me feel like I was being dramatic and looking for attention. A few weeks ago, I finally heard back from an infectious disease specialist who told me "there's nothing wrong with you. take some vitamin d and you'll be fine." I felt tears well up in my eyes and thought 'no no no. he thinks i'm crazy.'
Other doctors and people told me:
"Are you stressed? Even good stress is stress."
(My personal favorite) "Have you tried journaling?"
"Have you tried eating healthier?"
"What about yoga?"
"But are you sure you are getting enough sleep?"
"there's nothing wrong with you."
The next morning I went to go see internist recommended to me by a friend of a friend. As soon as she walked in and began talking to me I knew I was in the right place. She was the first person to listen to me and take me seriously. She even said, "What you are experiencing is not normal. We're gonna figure this out."
Two and a half weeks later, (might I note they were excruciatingly slow?) I have a diagnosis.
I have Lyme disease.
source
I can't begin to explain the amount of relief that has flooded my heart. There's been many times where this pain and tiredness has overwhelmed my body, but I thought it was normal to feel like that. I thought I was just getting older so that's why I was so achy. I thought everyone was this tired. Or I just assumed I was lazy and needed to push myself harder. Before I started researching a few months ago, I had no idea lyme could be chronic. I had no idea it could cause such crazy debilitating symptoms. And I certainly had no idea that I was infected.
Looking back now, it really makes sense. The only time I ever recall anything similar to a bullseye rash was when I was five years old and had been playing in the grass with my neighbor's pet bunny rabbit. We found a funny rash on my thigh and assumed it was ringworm. But that same year, I kept getting sick over and over. Never once did we ever think 'tick bite'. From that moment on, any time I would get overtired, I would automatically come down with a fever and a virus.
When I in high school I started having other strange symptoms; my knees hurting real bad after running or working out, suddenly being allergic to dairy, extreme fatigue for no reason, and going through times where I just felt...off.
Maybe I got bit when I was a teenager. (I've always been outside a lot my whole life)Or maybe I've had it since I was five. It's hard to say. Lyme is WEEEEIRRRRD. My doctor said I've probably had it for awhile. She also said it can hide in your body until your immune system is suppressed and eventually the bacteria will begin to take over. Sounds like some kind of weird creepy alien, amiright?
Guys, what's insane is I got really lucky. Okay, scratch that. It's not luck. It was the Lord leading me to the right doctor when I needed it.
There's some people with lyme disease who are a lot sicker than me. Like, in a wheelchair or in the hospital or completely paralyzed. It's scary. Lyme is not curable, but it is treatable.
The good news: I don't have any co-infections, and I'm a youngin'. My doctor was pretty hopeful that I am going to recover.
I am starting treatment tomorrow and I'm nervous. This round of treatment is going to be 3-4 months of different types of antibiotics to kill the bacteria. The meds can be aggressive and cause what's called a 'herx' reaction. (the bacteria dying off) Essentially, I'm going to feel worse before I feel better. But I'm ready to fight this thing. And I'm grateful that God so graciously allowed me to get a diagnosis and find the right doctor.
If there's one thing I have learned through all of this, is that you should never, ever judge anyone.
Because You just don't know what they are going through. I know it's cliche, but it's so true. I can't count how many times I have judged someone based on first impressions, how they look, or what they choose to share. Lyme disease is often an invisible illness, something you can't see but is very real. My heart aches for all those with this horrible disease who are unaware. Or simply anyone with chronic pain or an illness. I guess everyone is fighting their own battles, whether that's an illness, jobs, broken relationships, lost dreams, addictions, to name a few...it's so easy to make assumptions about other people when you simply don't know what they are facing. I am praying that I can see what God sees when he looks at someone; a precious but flawed human being in need of his love, just like me.
The road to recovery may not be simple or easy, but I am filled with hope. Thank you Lord, for answers.
Hunter and I had Psalm 46 read at our wedding, and it still comforts me every time I read it. I hope it comforts you too.
God is our refuge and strength,
a very present[b] help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah
a very present[b] help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our fortress."
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our fortress."
1 comments
God bless you! Thank you for sharing your experience. I am 50 years old and have been through a similar experience with physiological abnormalities for quite some time with similar responses from multiple doctors. I just went to an internist this week. While I’m not sure if his suggested treatment plan, I am going to follow through to see what happens. What you have share certainly gives me something to discuss with him when I go for my follow-up. Don’t ever apologize for sharing what’s on your heart. You never know who is waiting to hear your message.
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